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Captain Awful
08-01-2008, 09:13 PM
Death Bed: The Bed That Eats (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0385639/) is a movie about a Bed called Death Bed, and it eats things. No, not just humans, it eats chicken and wine within the opening credits, then humans. It's not your average movie, and not for your average person either, there's so much not happening in the movie that if you got up to get yourself a bowl of popcorn or some fruity snacks you wouldn't have missed a thing, because when you sit back down the bed will still be eating. The bed eats an entire orgy at one point. Inevitably this all leads back to witches, and witches killing the death bed, with witchcraft, and witchery, and some being naked. Can't have Witchcraft without naked.

I give it a three.
Trace
08-01-2008, 09:36 PM
I actually feel compelled to hunt down this movie and watch it. It sounds pretty epic, as far as eating-bed movies are concerned.
Dan
08-01-2008, 09:54 PM
Just how big is this bed? I mean, is it like a queen size, or a single, or what?

(This is very important information.)
Captain Awful
08-01-2008, 10:18 PM
It held a five(?)* person orgy, and the "eating" part is like a vat of acid. Technically since it can hold an infinite amount of occupants in it's "eating" phase, due to Demonic powers I'd imagine, the bed is as vast as the theoretical universe. Outside of that though it's a King size.

*?: Denotes a time when I was rolling doubles in a Nintendo themed Monopoly board game, and thus wasn't counting bodies.
Dan
08-01-2008, 10:59 PM
For Sale: One king size bed. Comfortable, spacious, and practical. Comes with vat of acid as vast as theoretical universe. Useful for disposing of unwanted house guests, spontaneous orgies. $200 ONO.
Poisonedv
08-01-2008, 11:53 PM
IS that the one with the lodge? And the girls leg is trapped in it? I think I've seen it.
XWonka
08-02-2008, 12:00 AM
Insead of reading about this movie here, fans of Patton Oswald should just listen to his album "werewolves and lollipops"

You can also hear about his upcoming project "Rape Stove: the stove that rapes people"

or maybe you already have.
Poisonedv
08-02-2008, 12:06 AM
I lol'd at the rape stove. I thought overall it was pretty dull though

Genocide Vacuum: The Vacuum that mass murders ethnicities

Seriously though, I have seen this movie, and it's amazing
Captain Awful
08-02-2008, 06:32 AM
Rape Stove? Fucking genius.

I would like to see this happen. Surely an internet petition can make it so!
matte_k
08-02-2008, 10:14 AM
Ok, is that a stove doing the raping, or being raped?

(I can't believe I just asked that...)
Reasonableman
08-02-2008, 10:20 AM
Ok, is that a stove doing the raping, or being raped?

(I can't believe I just asked that...)

Insead of reading about this movie here, fans of Patton Oswald should just listen to his album "werewolves and lollipops"

You can also hear about his upcoming project "Rape Stove: the stove that rapes people"

or maybe you already have.


DOOO DOOO DOODOO DOOOOOO!
Captain Awful
08-02-2008, 05:28 PM
Ok, is that a stove doing the raping, or being raped?

(I can't believe I just asked that...)

The stove's doing the raping, that's why it's called "Rape Stove", and frankly, finding a hole to stick my dick in on a stove would be more difficult than beating Gargoyle's Quest.
chuanoplast
08-02-2008, 06:38 PM
Gas or electric stove? This makes a huge difference.

Also, I once saw a movie called "Calamari Wrestlers" in the renting movies store, but nobody wanted to watch it, even though it seemed on par with Kafka's "The Metamorphosis" (not). Is "Death Bed" better than that?
Soyvoyage
08-02-2008, 06:50 PM
Also, I once saw a movie called "Calamari Wrestlers" in the renting movies store,

I think I just saw "Rape Stove:The Stove that rapes people" in the relentless movies store.
Captain Awful
08-02-2008, 08:17 PM
Gas or electric stove? This makes a huge difference.

Also, I once saw a movie called "Calamari Wrestlers" in the renting movies store, but nobody wanted to watch it, even though it seemed on par with Kafka's "The Metamorphosis" (not). Is "Death Bed" better than that?

Wait, hold on. Is it all ready Calamari, or is the loser going to be Calamari? I only ask because I am SICK AND TIRED of eating the loser. I want a winner for fucks sake. Winner's don't do drugs, and you know how I feel about drugs.

The most interesting question I've come up with for "Rape Stove" is what does it rape with? I mean, what's phallic on a stove?
Gatas Brilhantes
08-02-2008, 08:58 PM
http://img150.imageshack.us/img150/6047/stovemy1.jpg
matte_k
08-03-2008, 10:12 AM
http://img150.imageshack.us/img150/6047/stovemy1.jpg


Touche.
Reasonableman
08-03-2008, 10:23 AM
Touche.

THAT SHOULD BE IN ITALICS

said the amazing master of internet humor, me.



In other news, this rape stove busininess is pure win. I would watch a movie about a stove that rapes people. But then, I'm one of the people who saw Snakes on a Plane in theaters, so...
Usernamehere
08-04-2008, 05:26 PM
How does the stove rape people?




IMPORTANT INFORMATION
Captain Awful
08-06-2008, 01:42 PM
How does the stove rape people?




IMPORTANT INFORMATION

Using a disembodied penis from the nether realm. Or maybe it just grinds you really hard.
chuanoplast
08-06-2008, 05:42 PM
How does the stove rape people?


With a stovepipe.
Rad
08-07-2008, 12:41 PM
How does the stove rape people?




IMPORTANT INFORMATION

like most occurences of rape, I believe it would be forcibly
Captain Awful
09-05-2008, 06:19 PM
At least the spam is reviving old topics... Right?
The flying banana
09-06-2008, 08:18 AM
At least the spam is reviving old topics... Right?

Maybe, but it might be better if we let a topic about a rape addicted stove and a bed that eats people die. Or, blame it all on those strange red mushrooms with the white spots which grow around my house.

Extra: Just looked the mushrooms up, and they're apparently fly agarics, the third deadliest mushroom in the owrld. They also have strong hallucinogenic properties. I knew I was right.
Usernamehere
09-06-2008, 02:20 PM
Sounds great for getting rid of hippies. Let's try it, ehwot?
Captain Awful
09-06-2008, 06:12 PM
Maybe, but it might be better if we let a topic about a rape addicted stove and a bed that eats people die. Or, blame it all on those strange red mushrooms with the white spots which grow around my house.

Extra: Just looked the mushrooms up, and they're apparently fly agarics, the third deadliest mushroom in the owrld. They also have strong hallucinogenic properties. I knew I was right.

Poison and good times go hand in hand. That's all.
The flying banana
09-06-2008, 06:32 PM
Sounds great for getting rid of hippies. Let's try it, ehwot?

Damn you and your anti-hippy ways. What's wrong with us?